Handling the holidays with grief and loss

Photo credit Carmen Wolf

Hello again.  I know I am extremely behind on putting out a new blog, but I wanted to take a quick side step before my part two of the grief cycle.  I wanted to talk about the holidays.  If you have lost someone or family is far away it can really be a hard time for a lot of us. 
 
7 years ago I moved from my home state for the first time.  My husband was active duty and it was time to go.  However, a year and a half before my sister had passed away and not 3 weeks prior my mother had died.  I was leaving the only place I knew and it was extremely hard.  Luckily for me my husband was in town for the holidays, but in general we were all alone.  The grief was enormous not being able to see my family for the holidays.  If this is you, I hear your pain! 
 
Also, if you are dealing with a deployment in a new place I hear your pain!  It is difficult to deal with as a couple and if you have children it is difficult in a new way.   What I want to wish you is peace and happiness during these holidays.  Try to relax and remember all of the good times you have stored away for this kind of a day.  Also, know that if they could your loved one would be with you.  Please enjoy your holidays, whichever you may celebrate! 
 
Some tips to relax during the holidays:

• Take time to honor you loved one whether they have passed on or are out of town for the holiday
• Practice mindfulness and remember what makes you happy now
• Reflect on positive memories from the past (I know these last two may be contradictory, but while it may hurt it also makes me happy to remember the good times)
• Use self observed coping tools, which can include self care and relaxation techniques
• Include your loved one in your holiday
• And always remember your grief is personal and it may not look like someone else’s grief

-Carmen Wolf, LMFT

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Photo credit Carmen Wolf